Cut the Shit

Bits

If you know you some Joe personally, then you know that I really want a transsexual friend. It's not a novelty item and it's not to make myself feel better about well...myself...it's more that I finally understand (on the only level that I can understand) the plight of the transsexual. With gay becoming more acceptable, I feel that transsexuals are next. For revolution, but also for ridicule. But that's not why I titled this post "Bits". I titled it "Bits" cuz I have bits to talk about, but also because when someone says something like "That woman is hot but she still has her bits!", I laugh to the point of tears. Cuz really? Bits.

In any case, here are MY bits:

Bit one:

I leave for vacation to Provincetown (gay mecca) on August 12th and Paul and I are going during "Carnivale". Which means, so much gayness, you're gay by proxy. I have zero dollars to contribute to this vacation, so Paul will be paying for most of it. Fair enough? Not really, since I feel like I ate my pride for dinner on that one.

Bit two:

I am interviewing for new jobs. It's scary, it's exciting, it's something I have to do right now. If I'm 30 and doing what I'm doing now for work, I would probably die. Like literally. As a non-professional actor in NYC...at age 29, things start to get a little scary. Money or passion? Money or passion? Out of necessity, the answer is money. I couldn't be more frustrated and panicked. Or picnicked. I like picnics.

Bit three:

I think my main pot dealer got busted. For five years I've been afraid of that day and now...well...the gig is up, I guess. I GUESS. (please don't let the gig be up)

Bit four:

I did five sit-ups recently. I'm still waiting to see the results.

Bit five:

No, I haven't heard anything from the audition I went on. Fine. Fair enough. But really? Why tell me that I was incredible? Why tell me that you are interested in me for another play in addition to the one I was auditioning for? A LOT of breath for no result. I move on.

Bit six:

My dog, Tyler, has grown into a legit addition to my Financial District family. He knows a bit of English (the modern word if you will), and surprises me with his intelligence daily. I FINALLY have fallen in LURVE with him - to the point that I've been dreaming about him jumping off a building only to land on his face and collapse like an accordion. Then I scream "Noooooooooooo!" Then I wake up and he is looking at me with the eyes of "Is it time to eat or play with toys?" and I pet his head and say "Go back to bed accordion". And he does.

Bit seven:

It's kind of hot outside, yes? I'm so warm-blooded to begin with, so when I enter the subway, I literally clench my fists and watch sweat drops fall off my face and on to the platform. They say (THEY say) that the subway is 20 degrees hotter than the NYC street. Guess who believes it? This guy.

Bit eight:

I have a new subway crush. And the only reason this is important? He's the FIRST non-bodybuilder to enter my jerk off sessions. He's hot and tall, but skinny. Cute, but I only jerk to big muscle. In any case, my mind is expanding, I'm growing and learning and I'm thinking about tall and skinny when I jerk. I have not cum to that visual yet, but we're working on it.

Bit nine:

I am really, really, and also, really fucking poor. I even thought about putting a link on this website asking for money to pay my bills. A la SAVE KAREN. (no links tonight, just GOOGLE it). But I'm not that guy. I'm REALLY not that guy. But what do you think?

Bit ten:

My birthday CAME and went and I turned 29 and I'm still a virgin. Yes, I know I'm adorable and charming and should have had sex by now, but guess what? I've officially decided that I'm defective. Defected? Whatever. I'm damaged goods. Or at least, hot goods with a shit load of baggage. That's all.

Time to tuck my dick between my legs.

No more bits.

*This post was written with drinks in my soul, no grammatical judgements please or I'll keel. Meaning, kill.